I've begun to grow weary of the stay at home mother (SAHM) arguments and ignorant opinions that are found everywhere from public places, to the internet, or even within our own homes and families.
Although I understand that you just cannot use reasoning on irrational people, and people will continue to remain closed-minded despite this post; I still feel compelled to address the situation.
1. Being a stay at home mother is not a "real" job.
In my opinion, this is both true and false.
A job is something you do that provides service to others. There is a beginning and an ending to a work day. There are vacation days, sick days, and days off. There is a paycheck and a chance of earning raises. There are bosses and co-workers. At the end of the day you clean up your work space and go home to loved ones or home to relax and enjoy your non-job time.
A SAHM is at work and on call 24/7. There is no start or ending for her shift. There is no garunteed sleeping time or personal time. There is no paycheck or chances for a raise. There are no vacations or days off. The only sick days a SAHM receives are the days she's become so sick that she's been taken to the hospital. There is no leaving work at the end of the day. The SAHM and her partner are the bosses, and her co-workers are trainees that need two decades of training.
A stay at home mother does the work of a teacher, a nanny, a nurse, a referee, a secretary, a cook and a therapist. All of which are considered "real" jobs as long as a paycheck is attached to the work provided.
It is not a job. It is beyond a job. It is a series of overlapping, unending and fulfilling jobs.
2. A SAHM does very little work while their husbands work hard to pay for everything.
While this may be true in some cases, the vast majority of the time this statement or any like it is far from the truth.
Sure, if you walk into her house it may look like she's done nothing for a week. Maybe there's dishes in the sink, toys and clothing scattered across a dust covered floor and chocolate pudding hand prints plastered to the wall.
I dare anyone out there to spend just four hours cleaning and scrubbing while two steps behind you there's a small swarm of people unpacking recently packed items, smearing filth of some sort around, unfolding laundry and dirtying everything. Do it for free. Then see how you feel when at the end of hours of cleaning you're still surrounded by what looks like the remains of a toy store after some major natural disaster and the world tells you that you're pretty well worthless and lazy for having done it.
Or better yet, as most SAHM's would be doing, try doing the cleaning while teaching small children with limited understanding of the importance of cleanliness to clean and organize along side of you.
In reality, most SAHM's are working from the minute they wake up until after the children are in bed sleeping. Any "breaks" in between are usually short and interupted. This includes things such as bathing, using the bathroom, eating, socializing and sleeping.
But yes, the working fathers in these situations are indeed hard workers.
#3. People who stay at home and raise children accomplish nothing and give hard working women a bad name. They go against feminism.
To have equal rights means that a woman may choose to stay at home and raise children if she wants, or pursue a life outside of the home if she so desires. It also means that the man should be able to choose the be the stay at home parent and the woman can be the sole breadwinner.
It is also to my understanding that it means supporting women no matter what career they've chosen whether it's a minimum wage job, homemaker or doctor.
#4. A SAHM contributes nothing to society.
The majority of SAHM's biggest goals is to send healthy, intelligent, capable and hard working adults into the world one day. Though this is still possible after a lifetime of daycares and public schools and babysitters, it is best achieved with one parent at home. This allows them to learn skills that these public places don't teach, for each child individually I might add. The SAHM does this, knowing her child better than anyone else does, and provides unconditional love and support through every fall. You won't find one teacher or one daycare worker who would be willing to sacrifice as much as a SAHM to ensure her child's future success.
Any hard worker understands fully how important it is to work with intelligent hard workers instead of self-righteous, lazy people who have no concern for a job well done.
Even in the worse case scenario: Let's just say that she is lazy and contributes nothing to society...so what? How does this affect your life? Are you paying for her life of sloth? No, her husband is.
That was (though this may be hard to swallow) a mutual decision made by the couple, just as any major decision in a relationship is.
5. Being a SAHM is an easy job. They have no right to complain about how hard it is.
Tending to the needs of tiny humans with poor communication skills, very little self control, and undeveloped common sense 24/7 is by no means an easy task. It's a job filled with constant demands, criticism and self-doubt. It's a job with no definite answers and millions of questions. It's a job that no one is ever prepared for. A SAHM is socially isolated, sleep deprived, overworked and underpaid.
I personally would never consider arguing with anyone that my job is more important/harder than yours. There's a very good chance I've never done your job, and a very good chance that I couldn't do your job. But unless you've done my job, under the circumstances that I do it, I don't trust your judgment on the importance or difficulties of it.
Every one of us has our own individual set of skills that we put to use to benefit everyone as a whole. Everyone is important.
As for the constant accusations of a SAHM always complaining about how hard her job is: Have you ever had a job without having complaints? Your boss is a jerk, your co-workers are lazy, the hours are terrible, you've been denied vacation time...This is only slightly different for a SAHM.
Your average SAHM has been abandoned by many friends. (Really, who would want to talk to you when you have to constantly run to children to keep them safe? They're going elsewhere. And other SAHM's are just as busy as you are, so schedules often clash). They are also often criticized by members of their community and family. It is normal for a person to seek out others with similar experiences whether it's to vent, share stories or seek advice. It's much easier for a SAHM to use the internet for this. There is absolutely no reason that one mother reaching out to another mother should be considered to be more offensive than one friend reaching out to another friend.
For the record, many SAHM's consider it a blessing to have the opportunity to stay home to raise their children. Some even happily leave well paying jobs to do so. Not everyone gets the chance to stay home with their children despite a desire to do so.
Now, the fact that I've felt the need to compose this saddens me. We should not belittle women for taking on the enormous responsibility of raising her own children.
All of us do the best we can in the circumstances we are in.
If your best is outside of the home, good for you. I'm proud of you. If your best is inside of the house (stay at home mother, stay at home father, work from home or even disabled) good for you. I'm proud of you. No matter what your situation, if you're doing the best you can, then good job.
You deserve a cupcake.
